We start with Sable:
this photo and photos of the like is probably the definitive picture that introduced me to boobs. I did not watch this pay-per-view live, but I did have a magazine called "World of Wrestling" with Kane on the cover and towards the back of it was a section about ten pages long just for the ladies. The first page featured a huge photo of Sable, complete with sticky hands over her nips from the 98 King of the Ring. Notice the Jerry Lawler's face in this photo? I had that face probably about 117 times in the summer going into 7th grade. when she did playboy, I finally realized the value of the world wide web. Now I am appreciative of the internet when I think that our parents wrote papers without it, but my first fascination with the information super highway came solely as a result of this:
ah, to be young again. Last I checked, Sablenow goes by Rena Mero, but maybe it's Rena Lesnar considering she's married to UFC Heavyweight contender Brock Lesnar. Can you imagine them gettin it on? It's a miracle she's still alive. This photo seems to be circa 03/04 and she looks a little more fake. Either she's lost a ton of weight or the things I used to get pumped about at 12 simply don't do it for me anymore. Nonetheless she's still in admirable shape for being probably around 45:
moving on, Trish Stratus:
ok, Trish Stratus was hot. She played her role and played her role well as manager of T&A (test and albert hardy-hard). Thing is, as she got more and more time on TV, she seemed to get hotter. T&A came and went, Test and Albert lost their jobs, and Trish was still around playing home wrecker to the McMahon family. But her role would not be limited to simply being a sexy prop, on call whenever the script called for some floozy to stand next to a greased up wrestler. Trish Stratus opted to actually grow in the WWE and try to become an essential part of the program. She brought legitimacy to the WWE Women's championship for a minute and, whereas I can't watch two minutes of women wrestling now, she learned how to do enough to keep wrestling fans entertained (besides staring at her assets.) She had something that no other girl in the WWF/E did; class. Sure her boobs were as plastic as every other girl's, but Trish had more to offer than a nice rack. She could talk, she could work a match and, most notably, she seemed sincere through it all. Peep the smile:
See how she draws more attention to her belly button than her boobies? Genius! Trish came, conquered, and split, just like the Rock did. Like the People's Champ, she probably realized that she was just a little too intelligent for "sports entertainment" and that she had plenty more to offer the world. God bless her and good luck in whatever she may do.
Last, we arrive at Lita:
^^^^look at this picture for a few seconds^^^^
....doesn't Lita start to look like a drag queen after a while? When I started this post I had three girls in mind, three girls who I remember revving my engine as a young lad. But alas, only 2 of the 3 looked almost as impressive as I had remembered them. In "researching" Lita, I've realized that I was not an expert in good taste but rather just a sucker for big fake breasts. Lita is busted, and if you took her chesticles off, she really would look like a he-she. Whereas Trish and to a lesser extant Sable probably look half decent with no makeup on, Lita would most assuredly look like a Grade A white trash triflin hot mess. And you say, "but come on man that's only one picture", well I respond with another:
told ya so. The above picture looks like something you'd see on the Goosebumps TV show as youngin or like on "Are You Afraid of the Dark" on SNICK.
Granted she doesn't look AS rough as Chyna used to, but Lita taught me a valuable lesson today; not everything will remain as awesome you once remember it. Lita will be relegated to the vault of 8th grade memories, a dark den in which I hope to never reach into again. Like hair gel, finger skate boards, and Limp Bizkit, Lita will remain a distant memory in my mind, once a beautiful red rose now brittle and wilted to mere shriveled petals.
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